Dear Rich, Episode #11

                                                                    March 30th, 2023

Dear Rich, 

  Hello my love. I miss you. 22 days until court. One day closer. Something weird happened this morning. They called my bunk number over the intercom and asked me to come to the sliding door. I thought maybe it was time to talk to my probation officer. So I quickly got up, got dressed and ran to the door. By the way, at this point, it was like 8am. The deputy came on the speaker and said, “Sean?” I said, “yes…?” He says, “Do you want to see the nurse?” to which my confusion took over and replied with, “ummm… do I NEED to see the nurse? Is something wrong with me?!?” He said, “No-just asking if you would like to see her.” I then said, “Oh… I think I’m okay, but thank you for asking…?” “Okay. No problem.” What? The confusion continues. Maybe I’m reading too many murder. Mystery thrillers. I don’t think I dreamed any of that, but who knows these days. Sometimes the days and the hours all seem to blend in with each other. A piña colada of dreams, emotions, possible occurrences an actual reality. Back to my bank, for now, to continue my current murder mystery thriller. LOL.

  Another guy that lives downstairs, tall, white guy – John, is his name, called me over to his bunk, and wanted to talk to me and ask some questions… Here we go again…more “gay” questions, I thought. I was actually shocked when he told me that he’s been having thoughts and dreams about men, but was always taught how wrong it was. I was flabbergasted. We talked for a little, and I gave him my thoughts and opinions. He told me that he has never talked to anybody about this. I suddenly feel like the gay shaman here, brought to educate and help. Perhaps another reason for my transfer to Dayroom #4.  Shaman Pop Tart if you will, and you will. I hope that my opinions and my ‘words of wisdom’, let’s call them, help him truly find who he is in his heart of hearts. He’s actually a very kind man. I ended the conversation with telling him that he and only he truly knows what is inside his heart, and he should only be with and around people that accept his true, genuine self. I said how lucky I was to have friends and family and you. All people who only know unconditional love, and love me, and everyone else for that matter, for who they truly are. I actually hope one day that you and everyone get the chance to meet him, so he can see what I’m talking about. Sometimes when I learn or remember how some of the outside world treats others; others that like something different than they do; how sad it makes me. Sounds a lot like our current political parties. LOL. Bottom line, I hope you got the answers that he was searching for. I feel like this may have been the first of many chats.

  I just got off the phone with Erica. Her sweet and kind words always bring me so much joy and happiness. She’s one of the few that can bring me out of any slump or cave that I may have burrowed myself in. Everyone has just been so awesome; hearing them, writing about them really help the days pass by much quicker than they could. I’m excited to get commissary again tonight and send out another couple of letters. I have to keep The blog alive and growing.

  I think that one of the reasons I’ve been a little down the last couple days, other than being in jail, was that I was supposed to start rehearsals for “The Bodyguard” at the Welk Resort. I should be on a stage learning new music and dance moves. And Matthew and my beautiful Siri would have been right there by my side. Learning with me. I’m really torn up about it. I wish I was there to hug them both – and of course my sweet Larry Raben. I wish so badly that I could be there with the three of them doing what I do best. But I have to keep reminding myself that everything happens for a reason and that my time will come. I hope they are having an amazing time, sing your heart out and dance like no one is watching! Do it for me and my sweet, talented friends. ❤️

  I’m sending another caricature that David drew. It’s of the infamous “yeaahhh…” phrasing that I discussed with you before. I think it looks pretty freaking awesome. You’ll notice my more filled look too! Ha ha. 

  Plot twist for the every day life of Dayroom #4. Apparently, one of the toilets is on a constant, continual flush cycle. I need you to understand, these are no ordinary toilets. These are stainless steel, industrial toilets. The flusher is a button on the wall. The flush button is jammed and the toilet is now just a whirlpool spinning out of control. The flushing WILL. NOT. STOP. And it is LOUD. Another extra terrestrial moment. Instead of music in the back of my head, I’m now listening to the roar of a high power flush of an industrial toilet. Never-ending. I think I almost feel the vibration of it. An early Easter gift, I presume. I can’t think of anything else to say about it currently because I can’t believe the toilet is still flushing. We have officially entered a state of purgatory. Is this a bad time to reveal that I really need to pee? I had a hunch that this day would give me something else to write about. The ongoing sound right now it’s truly indescribable. DREAMS. Why is one of my main concerns that “ now we are never going to know when someone is actually done?” a definite newfound flaw here in Dayroom 4. 😵‍💫

  Well, it’s almost the end of the month and then by the weekend we will be into April . Continue having positive thoughts and prayers that come the 21st, I’ll be able to continue serving the remainder of my sentence at home with our babies. I’m yearning for pictures of them. I love you, so so so much, my love. I want to finish this letter so the deputies pick it up and it gets processed and shipped out for the weekend. I continue to think about you and our girls through every moment of every day. I love you. A hundred kisses…xoxo 

Love Always, 

Sean ❤️ Pop Tart 

P.S. toilet flooding started at about 4:45pm. It’s currently 7:15p with nary a pause. The “dream” is quite literally still around. LOL. Love you.